The Randomness of Ms Skyklutz's Voices
by Skyklutz the Storyteller
Summary: Yeah! Randomness! The voices in my head started a TV show where anyone they can think of will come on so they can do random things to them. Intensly amusing or frightening, you're choice.
1. Day 1

Steve: Yeh yeh everyone has one of these game show type fics that are hillarious and random but Skyklutz wants one too!  
  
Author: Who doesn't!?  
  
Steve: Right, anyway Skyklutz doesn't own anyone who comes on this show except Gretchen, Louie, Tim, Steeve (The pixie not slingshot), and Bertha-Sue.  
  
VVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVV  
  
"Hi everyone! My name is Louie and I am one of the voices in Skyklutz's head!" Louie is about 14 and has green hair. He is dressed in blue jeans and a camoflage t-shirt that says Ha! Now you can't see me! "So let's get started. Who is our first guest?"  
  
Gretchen has long purple hair and is dressed in a bright fuscia kimono. She is also 14 "Ooh! I get to pick this time??? Okay... Howabout Lord Voldemort?" she said exitedly. The other four voices stare at her wide-eyed as Lord V walks on stage. The crowd screams in terror until they recieve a menacing glare. They silence quickly.  
  
"Oookay... so... uhhhh." stutters a bewildered Louie. Gretchen cuts him off.  
  
"Can you sing?"  
  
"What?" this question takes Voldie competely by surprise.  
  
"Can you sing?" she repeats sounding a little annoyed.  
  
"A little..."  
  
"Okay! Sing!"  
  
"Uh... Okay." he clears his throat and begins to sing God Save the Queen off-key.  
  
((GONG!))  
  
"What was that?" Voldie asks  
  
"The gong. Bye!" She pulls lever and a trapdoor opens under Voldemort.  
  
"AAAAHHHHHHHH!!! Uogh! What's that?" he gasps"Nooooo!! Not that!!" The trapdoor closes and muffled screaming can be heard.  
  
"What's in that pit??" asked Tim with dismay  
  
A wry smile crossed Gretchen's face. "Ms. Delores Umbridge! It was thought that Dumbledore was the only wizard Voldemort feared but in realty, NO ONE can survive Umbridge! Except of course Fred and George."  
  
The other four voices shudder.  
  
"WHY again are you Skyklutz's main voice?" Bertha-sue spat.  
  
Gretchen shrugs, "Dunno..."  
  
"Right then..." begins Louie, "Uh Why don't we let Tim pick our next guest."  
  
Tim has black hair and dresses normally in jeans, an orange jacket, and a yellow t-shirt. "Thank Heaven! Can I get some music here?"  
  
"Not your favorite kind! PLEASE NO!!" pleaded Steeve.  
  
"Oh c'mon! Bring out the old Polish guys!"  
  
Several old men with accordians come out on stage and begin playing Polka music.  
  
Tim begins dancing. "Okay on with our next guest! I want... uhh" he tries to think of someone who's personallity won't fit at all with the music. "Seda!"  
  
A rather dark looking silver haired guy walks on stage in his usual getup looking rather confused.  
  
"Where am I?" he asked.  
  
Tim rolled his eyes as if it were the most obvious thing in the world, "You're on Skyklutz's Show of Random Crap."  
  
"I'm IN her head?" Seda whimpered, wide-eyed.  
  
"Yep."  
  
"AACK! Let me out!" He runs to the door but bars come down in front of all exits.  
  
"It's useless to try and escape. Believe me, I've tried." said Louie boredly as Voldie screams again.  
  
"That's not comforting!!" he shakes the bars.  
  
"I could send you down there if you want!!" offered Gretchen, stroking the lever.  
  
"No! I'm okay!" He grips his sword just in case though  
  
"So, do you have any emotional problems?" Tim snaps his fingers and the set looks like the Dr. Phil show.  
  
"Uh, not that I know of."  
  
"Any... inner demons. Oops!! That's probably a sensitive topic."  
  
"That wasn't funny." was Louie's drawling reply.  
  
"Can I go home now?"  
  
"If you must." Seda walks off stage as the bars let up.  
  
"Guess what?" said Louie, perking up, "That's all for now! See ya!"  
  
VVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVV  
  
So what do you think? I know it's very different from my other fan fics but I need this to let out my silly side. So please review and read my other fics because they are much better!! This was up before but I had to edit it to meet with standards. 


	2. Day 2 Beach Party

Steve: Yeh, Skyklutz doesn't own anyone who makes a guest appearance on the show. Just the voices in her head.  
  
VVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVV  
  
"Hey everyone! We're filming live at... Where are we filming anyway?" Louie turns to Steeve who shrugs.  
  
"Dunno, some beach."  
  
"I knew THAT! I meant what's its name?"  
  
"Who cares?" Gretchen replies boredly.  
  
"Right then... Well anyway we're hosting a beach party! and I get to pick who joins us first!" The four other voices sigh as Louie's grin widens. "I want... Albus Dumbledore!"  
  
Albus walks into view wearing swimming trunks and half-moon sun glasses. He looks quite puzzled.  
  
"How did I get here?" the usual greeting.  
  
You're on Skyklutz's Show of Random Crap. We're at the beach!"  
  
"Okay then..." he takes a seat in a beach chair.  
  
"Okay okay, my turn!" cried Steeve, claping his hands together, "I want... Om."  
  
Om flies into view looking kind of confused. Bertha-Sue is all over him already.  
  
"OM! Aw he's so cute!" she plucks Om from the air and pets him making him purr and thump his foot.  
  
"I didn't know cute little cyber robo guys like to be pet." squealed Gretchen and scratches him behind his proppeller. Steeve taps his foot.  
  
"Hey! He's MY guest!" He recieves a glare from both girls but they let him go.  
  
"Fine! I will invite someone equally adorable! I want Mokona from Tsubasa!" Gretchen states proudly.  
  
The adorable white long eared thingy wadles into view.  
  
"Okay Tim your turn!"  
  
"FINALLY!!" he outbursts, "Bring out da sith! I want Darth Maul!" Maul just kind of appears on the beach and squashes poor Mokona. Gretchen's anger rises.  
  
"YOU... YOU... WORD I WON'T SAY!!" she draws lightsaber from belt and runs at Darth Maul. "DIE YOU UGLY GIT!" She chases him all over the beach.  
  
Mokona sits up woosey but okay. "Wait! Mokona is okay! Though a little confused! Mokona should not be here! (Light bulb moment!) Mokona knows! Mokona can bring his friends here!!" and with that he dissapears.  
  
"This doesn't look promising..." Om said worriedly.  
  
"AAAAAAAHHHHHH...etc." Darth runs past the camera with Gretchen in close persuit.  
  
"While we wait, can I pick someone?" inquires Bertha-Sue.  
  
"Go ahead." Louie says watching the chaos unfold.  
  
"TOAN!" Toan appears wearing nothing but a pair of swimming trunks.  
  
"Where---?" he was cut short, however. Mokona reappears with three other people. And if you haven't read Tsubasa just follow along as best you can because I don't feel like descibing them. Gretchen gets tired and takes a rest.  
  
"Where the h--" Kurogane begins but Fai cuts him off.  
  
"Look Kuro-chan." he points to Gretchen's lightsaber. "Shiny weapon."  
  
"Oooh..." Kuro stares longingly.  
  
"So WHERE are we?" Syaoran finally asks.  
  
"Some beach obviously." replies Dumbledore suddenly making everyone jump.  
  
"New question. Why am I here?" Toan looked around for his answer.  
  
Bertha-sue sighs, "Those hurendous tan lines on your shoulders must go! You are also probably the only person with a glove line... in the middle of summer." Everyone raises their eyebrows.  
  
"What?"  
  
"Since when do you care about tan lines?" Louie asks feeling her forehead.  
  
"I don't." she replies simply, "I just couldn't think of a witty answer."  
  
"Well anyway, let's get on with the show!" Tim rubs his hands together.  
  
"I don't think so Tim. Time's up. We can continue next time! Bye everyone!" Louie waves as a curtain out of nowhere comes down. 


	3. Day 3 Cute Anime Sidekick Thingies

Syaoran: Hey everyone! Steve's been sacked.  
  
Steve: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! (Goes on his knees and pulls at Syaoran's arm.) PLEASE NO!! I don't have anywhere to go! I'll do anything!!  
  
Sya: Get off me you fruit! (Stops) Did you say "anything"?  
  
Steve: Anything, anything in the world if you just let me stay!  
  
Sya: All right you can stay. BUT! You can't get your job back AND you must do everything I tell you!  
  
Steve: Agreed.  
  
Sya: All righty! You must call Skyklutz "Master"... and now that you mention it, call me "Master" too. Skyklutz doesn't own anyone who comes on her show except the voices. Now go! Wash my trainers!  
  
Steve: Right away, Master! (Runs off in search of Syaoran's trainers and a wash bucket)  
  
All the voices in Skyklutz's head are all sitting in chairs in a big studio and they allways wear the same clothes as the 1st time they were introduced because I don't feel like thinking up new outfits. Then some cheesy music starts to play and the crowd cheers so you can't hear it anyway. As usual Louie talks first.  
  
"Hey everyone welcome the Skyklutz's show of Random Crap." he says "Today's show is," trumpets sound "Cute anime creature side-kick thingies. We also have a very special guest. Everyone say hello to the one and only Skyklutz herself!!" And poof I appear on stage looking all confused.  
  
"Wow I never thought I would be a guest in my head!!" I say all surprised.  
  
"Wait wait!" says Gretchen, "If you're here! Then who's typing all of this??" Then a loud disembodied voice says;  
  
"I am!!" then Tim freaks out and starts runnin' runnin' runnin' like a constapated weener dog (or however you spell it) screaming.  
  
"AAAHHH God is writing fan fiction!!!" and he keeps running and screaming until the voice speaks again.  
  
"I'm not God you stupid git! It's Syaoran the new disclaimer person!" Tim stops for a few seconds then starts running and screaming again.  
  
"AAAAAAAHHHHH!!! Syaoran is writing fan fiction!!!" So I just let him go and I don't write what he says for a little because Skyklutz said not to. Anyway, Louie just ignores him and keeps talking.  
  
"So our first guest is from .Hack, everyone give it up for Grunty!" Grunty waddles on stage and the crowd cheers.  
  
"Grunty, what do you like to do?" asks Louie.  
  
"Grunt grunt..." which is all Grunty says for all the questions so Louie just lets him walk around and sniff everything until Grunty starts chewing his pants.  
  
"Gaah!" Louie kicks his leg out and accidently sends grunty flying and out of the studio so they just welcome the next guest.  
  
"Well our next guest is from two mangas Magic Knight Rayearth and Tsubasa: Resevior Chronicle" says Gretchen, "So everyone welcome Mokona." Mokona appears on stage and makes Tim look indignant. (He had stopped screaming)  
  
"Hey you had him on already!!"  
  
"So?"  
  
"Puu!"  
  
"Hey why don't we bring someone on who says MORE than one word??" said Bertha-sue, "Like Om!!"  
  
"No," said Steeve (Steeve the pixie, not the one cleaning my shoes) "We had him on already too!!" But it was too late and Om appeared in the middle of the stage.  
  
"Hey you're those nutters who brought me on the last time!" Om says indignantly.  
  
"Hey talk shows are boring" says Skyklutz so she leaves and starts typing again and I read over her shoulder. And that was a weird sentence so just don't try to make sense of it. But the voices take this into consideration and decide to make it a cooking show so Skyklutz goes back and I get to keep typing.  
  
"Wait can we welcome our other guests first?" Asks Tim as the set turns into a kitchen.  
  
"Oh yeah!" says Louie who had already got out a butcher knife. "You go ahead Tim!" So Tim thinks. Being the evil voice in Skyklutz's head we all expect something sinister esecially when his lips curl into an evil smile.  
  
"Bring out KEROBEROS!!!" and he lets out manic laughter as the stuffed animal flutters on stage in his smaller, less intimidating form and Tim stops.  
  
"Hey! Why aren't you in your true form?" Tim yells.  
  
"Hello Tim!" says Bertha-sue in a duh voice. "This is the Cute anime creature side-kick thingies show today. Not Giant powerful anime squish you into oblivion creature thingies... show." Tim just rolled his eyes. By this time Grunty had found his way back to the studio.  
  
"Anyway, let's get started!" said Skyklutz, "Today we're cooking a chicken!! What you have to do is find a chicken!" Skyklutz pulls a live chicken from under the counter and lays it on a cutting board. Louie comes over with the butcher knife and... well you know what he did.  
  
"Next we have to pluck it!" she tosses the dead chicken to Bertha-Sue and Steeve who begin pulling all the feathers off. "I have one already plucked so you don't have to sit here and watch them pull several hundred feathers out of a dead chicken!" Skyklutz pulls a plucked chicken from under the counter. "This one also has been gutted so I don't have to stick my hand up there... Now just season it," she gets out some spices and starts drenching the chicken with them and made a huge mess. "And put it in a roasting pan. Cook the chicken for... how long do you cook a chicken?" All of the voices shrug. "Aw, screw it. Let's just get some KFC." Everyone nods in agreement and they all leave the studio, guests and all.  
  
I appear on stage and make Steve type.  
  
"Sorry folks that's the end of the show!" said Master "Next time we'll be featuring Heros with Green Hats. So I get to be a guest!! We'll also do a follow up on Voldemort who is still in the Umbridge Pit of Certain Peril. Don't forget to review and if you have a hero in a green hat you would like to see on, say who you want on in a review!! Bye." 


	4. Day 4 Heros With Green Hats

Syaoran: Steve!! Have you finished washing them YET!!???  
  
Steve: Just finished master!! (Hands Syaoran his shoes which are all sparkly and clean.)  
  
Syao: Thank you Steve, Now go and see if Skyklutz needs anything. (Steve leaves) Skyklutz owns not a soul who appears on this show except the voices. Enjoy!  
  
All the voices are sitting in chairs with winter clothing on in the middle of an ice skating rink.  
  
"Hiya everyone!" says Louie, "Today is the Heros with Green Hats show. Thanks to all who gave suggestions. So let's welcome our first guest! Peter Pan!" Peter flies into view looking a little confused as usual.  
  
"You're on Skyklutz's Show of Random Crap!" said Steeve before Pete could ask where he was. "Today is the Heros with Green Hats show. Have a seat." He points to one of the chairs and Peter Pan sits in one.  
  
"New question." he says, "Why are we in the middle of an ice skating rink?"  
  
"Cuz we feel like it!" replies Gretchen. "Next guest next guest!! C'mon out LUIGI!" and the little Ittalian guy (who just happened to have ice skates on) skates to the middle of the rink.  
  
"Where--"  
  
"Talk show."  
  
"Oh. Why--"  
  
"Cuz we want to."  
  
"Okay. Hey who's he?"  
  
"I'm Peter Pan."  
  
"Oh, I'm Luigi. You know, Mario's bro."  
  
"Doesn't anyone notice how boring this conversation is???" asks Gretchen exasperatedly.  
  
"No." replies everyone else,  
  
"Hey Bertha-Sue," begins Louie, "Aren't you going to rave and swoon over Peter Pan or something like you do with ALL of our guests?"  
  
"No silly!" she replies simply, "It's not like he's cute or anything." as she's saying this the next guest had already come on stage. When he's seen both Bertha-sue and Gretchen spring from their seats, scream "LI!!!" and begin racing towards him. A micriphone appears in Tim's hand and he begins comentating.  
  
"Aaaand it's Bertha-sue in the lead followed closely by Gretchen. Gretchen's closing in and OOOH! She's passed Bertha-sue up but what's this? Aw! Bertha-sue has tripped Gretchen but it looks like Gretchen's got something up her sleeve, yes, she's just pulled Bertha-Sue down with her and they've gone into a cat-fight! Oooh! That looked like that hurt! Gretchen's gone for the jugular and Bertha-Sue's pulling at Gretchen's arms as if she's trying to wrench them out! That's not working for Bertha so she's just going to kick Gretchen in the stomach! Zoinks that had to hurt!! Gretchen is down and out! Bertha-SUe is up but Gretchen's grabed her ankle Aaah! Face plant!! Nice!" Louie and Steve had started eating popcorn through the whole thing and Steeve held up a flag with Bertha-sue's initials on them.  
  
"B-S?" said Steeve surprised. He waves his hand and changes it to say "Bertha-Sue" "Ah, that's better." Louie meanwhile holds up a little Gretchen flag.  
  
"They've both gotten up and have started racing again. They're neck and neck! Who will make it to Li first? Poor kid, hope he brought an extra pair of pants. What's this? Now the target is moving! Li is trying with all his might to get away! Should've spent more time learning how to ice skate, kid. Oh and Li's fallen down but he's gotten up! The girls are getting closer, dude. Better think fast! Ah and Louie saves the day! He's grabbed Li by the hand and is pulling him away from the girls! But they don't give up do they? Ah, might as well let them get it out of their system." Louie lets Syaoran go and the girls catch up. Once they reach him, the tackle him to the ground and start squealing and playing with his hair. Louie can't watch and skates back to his seat. Syaoran stands up and slowly makes his way to one of the chairs while the girls follow, giggling and still running their hands through his hair.  
  
"Hey he doesn't have a green hat!" yells Luigi pointing at Syaoran who still has his school uniform on. Tim snaps his finger so he's wearing his cerimonial robes.  
  
"He does now! Besides he doesn't have to because he's Skyklutz's favorite anime character so blthz!" says Gretchen in one breath.  
  
"Yeah whatever. Anyway we might as well invite our other guests on. So let's welcome Toan, Link, and Robin Hood!" Says Louie quite boredly as the three guests appear with a pop. They looked really confused as usual. Link was the first one to speak.  
  
"YOU!" he said pointing a finger at Toan, "You think you've got such a great game! Well you'll never beat the Legend of Zelda with your puny Dark Cloud! The reviewers hated your game anyway!" Toan just looked at him and replied calmly.  
  
"You naive little elf-like boy. Everyone knows the worse the review, the better something is!" At the sound of their voices the girl's ears perk up and they abandon Syaoran to rush over to them.  
  
"TOAN!!" screams Gretchen as Bertha-Sue calls for Link. Once they skate over they glomp onto them and start swooning.  
  
"The ears! They're so cute!"  
  
"I've always liked a man in orange." Tim, Louie, and Steeve can't contain their laughter and they lean on each other in hysterical tears. Pete and Luigi just look anoyed, Syaoran sweatdrops, and Robin Hood faints anime-style. (Mwuah cuz that's how everyone faints on my show.) Once the girls are done swooning Luigi and Steeve get bored so they decide to use Rob as a tabogan and sledride down a nearby hill. Syao and Pete challenged each other to a duel and begin sword fighting.  
  
"Gods of Fire! Answer my call!" yells Syao in his echoey-voice-sound-effects-thingy and burns Pete so that he descintergrates like a cartoon character where he's just a green hat and a pair of eyeballs perched ontop of a pile of ashes. He recieves a miffed look from all of the voices.  
  
"What? I used my sword didn't I?"  
  
"WHOOPEEE!! Heads up!" says Steeve as Robin Sled slides off the hill and onto the ice rink, running over the Pete pile. Everyone cringes.  
  
"Eeewww!" They all chorus. Toan decicides to be Peter Pan's stand in as long as Syao promised not to use his powers to cheat anymore. Syao agrees and they started to fence.  
  
"Is that all for today?" asked Tim  
  
"Nope!" replied Louie, "I promised we would do a follow up on Voldemort!" He snaps his fingers and a big screen lowers down from the sky. (Don't ask what's holding it up.)  
  
"Now Mr. Voldemort, are we going to try and hex me again?" came Umbridge's voice from the sceen making everyone shudder.  
  
"N-no ma'am!" said Voldy shaking all over. The words "I will not attempt to kill Miss Umbridge." were bleeding on his hand.  
  
"Can I leave now?" he whined.  
  
"I don't believe the Ministry would allow you to leave now. Yes... I believe you will stay here."  
  
"No more torture! NOT THE TECHNICOLOR KITTEN DISHES AGAIN!!! Aaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhh!" The screen dissapeared and Voldie's screaming was cut short. By now everyone had stopped what they were doing as they stared in horror.  
  
"NOW it's over"  
  
BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP! Ksssssssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!! Other TV noises... 


	5. Day 5 VOICE symbols

Steve: If you haven't heard Syaoran has been promoted to Voice in Skyklutz's head. Which means I get my job back! So, Skyklutz don't own no one!

* * *

"Hey everyone, today is a special show where we're going to go over the VOICE symbols for our newbie here." Louie begins, justting a thumb toward Syaoran. The room turns into a classroom with everone seated at desks. Tim turns into a chibi-style sensei with one of those graduation hat thingies (forget what they are called) and gets out a pointer. On the blackboard behind him are a few pictures and diagrams.  
  
"Let's start with the VOICE salute." He points to a diagram. Everyone stands and makes the peace sign over their left eye and twirls their right index finger in the air as they recite the VOICE motto.  
  
"Die Hiiragizawa, die!" They all sit down and Tim points to the next diagram. Gretchen shoots her hand in the air.  
  
"Sensei, sensei!"  
  
"Yes?"  
  
"Can I say the pledge?"  
  
"Sure." Everyone stands once more and take off any hats or what have you.  
  
"I, a Voice in Skyklutz's Head, pledge to be as random, insane, cracked, and tastefully evil as I possibly can. If in the insidence that I become sane in any way I shall skip through the meadows of Russia in a bikini screaming 'Ducky! Quack Quack!' until a time that I am cured of my saneness." The pledge is finished off with the VOICE salute as everyone sits back down.  
  
"Very good Gretchen-san. Now onto the... official running gag... Hey wait a minute! We didn't think of a running gag yet!" Just then Toya Kinowalker, Yukito-wan Kenobi, and Syaoran Soli run past screaming,  
  
"CATS CATS CATS CATS CATS!!!" as about a dozen or so cats chase after them.  
  
"Yeah that'll work." said Louie, not batting an eye.  
  
"Anyway," continued Tim, "Our official VOICE sound effect is POOSH and our official VOICE interjections are 'Well spill my sippy-cup!', 'Zoinks, Batman!', and 'What's all this then?'." Tim snapped his fingers and the blackboard changed to a list of rules.  
  
"Rule three," he pointed to the first one, "Be as random as possible. Rule twent-seven and a half, don't run with scissors. Rule seven hundred twenty nine point three... okay so there are only two rules. BUT follow them well young grasshopper."  
  
And then because I have run out of things to write on this subject I've decided to turn this into and epic yet humorus adventure with backround music and fanfare! Doo doo doo! So just then Meilin as Milificent from Sleeping Beauty (cuz that story is on my mind) pooshes in.  
  
"Ahahahaha!! I will be the villan of this story and you all must come and defeat me to break the spell!" she cackles in a evily cheesy fashion.  
  
"What spell?" asks Tim.  
  
"This one!" and then the gaudy pink (yet lovely) Sleeping Beauty costume appears on Syaoran.  
  
"Oh no!! I can't take it off!" he cries pulling at the blond curly wig as Milificent dissapears.  
  
"Right then!" says Louie becoming suddenly adventurous, "Let's go find that dastardly fairy and defooty her!" And everyone does the VOICE salute and cheer "Huzza!" except Syaoran who is groping in the back of his dress looking desparately for a zipper of some kind. Then POOSH everyone appears outside in a crimson convertable PT Cruiser with purple flames that seats seven comfortably. Twelve uncomfortably. And just to add drama, there's a mob of angry nuns (you thought it was goin to be cats, didn't you) coming at them with bats, and pitchforks, and swords, and frozen penguins, and of course nunchucks! So Bertha-Sue hits the gas and nothing happens! Gretchen leans over and turns the key in the ignition and switches it into "Drive". Then Bertha-Sue hits the gas and they go flying down the street. Litterally, because the car just sprouted wings. The nuns get in their conveniently placed bus (because busloads of nuns seem to pop up everywhere) and begin to drive after them. Luckily busses aren't terribly aero-dynamic and can't fly as high as the voices in their (incredibly sporty) PT Cruiser, even with nun-power. So they give up and begin to wonder why they were chasing after a bunch of figments of some person's imagination and go back to the cathedral to do holy nun-like things.  
  
"Weird," murmered Tim, glancing behind him. Then I decide I want to be in this adventure too (thus the seven seater car) and I POOSH myself in and Steve types. So they are cruising (in their PT Cruiser) along until they realize they haven't stopped for gas yet so they pull into a convenient gas station. The gas pumper person is an incredibbly handsome young man with stunning grey eyes and and firey red hair.  
  
"George... W-Weasley..." Bertha-Sue murmers, but in realty it is a spell cast by the evil EVIL Eriol. Yes! A disguise spell! Bertha-Sue is the only one who is fooled by his fake yet incredible handsomeness.  
  
"Bertha, it's a trap! That's no George Weasley!" warns Louie from the back seat.  
  
"That's Hiiragizawa!" adds Gretchen. Bertha-Sue bites her lip. She is torn! Eriol is incredibly EVIL yet she can't bring herself to run over the sweet George Weasley.  
  
"Think of the motto Bertha, think of the motto!" cries Tim dramatically. Overwhelming tears well in her eyes.  
  
"DIE HIIRAGIZAWA DIE!!" she screams pushing the gas to the floor, running Eriol over and never looking back. And then a dramatic voice-over guy appears in the back seat, squashing between Skyklutz and Louie, and cramming Syaoran into the door. Thank goodness for child safety locks.  
  
"And so," he says, "The six voices and the girl begin their journey. A journey to remember!" Then the screen goes blank and the dramatic To Be Continued... thingy pops up that everyone hates. 


	6. Chapter 6 The Adventure Begins

Steve: She doesn't own any of this stuff.

* * *

"If that voice over guy doesn't shut up, I'm gonna toss him right outta this car!" screams Bertha-Sue from the driver's seat as she nearly flies over a third flying zebra. (No flying zebras were harmed in the making of this fanfiction. And for Alfred1011's peace of mind, no penguins were harmed either.) Tim has his hands around the voice over guy's neck and Louie begins to bang his head off of his knees, and Skyklutz and Syaoran are covering their ears singing the Cardcaptors themesong as loud as they can. Why not Catch you Catch me, you ask? Well the voice over guys was THAT annoying that they resorted to the catchy yet Nelvana-fied song.  
  
"Tentions rise amongst the voices, the anime character, and the girl as the intruder begins to grate on their nerves. Some have even--- mmhhhmfff ghbmm thmbbn" his voice is muffled as Tim stretches a piece of duct tape across his mouth.  
  
"Wind, rain, shadow, wood, sword, thunder, power, sleep. Cardcaptors of the Clow, expect the unexpected now. The secrets of the Clow--"  
  
"Okay you can stop now!" wails Gretchen from the front seat as Louie reaches over and pulls their hands off their ears. Even though there's an epic adventure going on, the voices decide that since they're in a car they want to go to a drive-in movie. They are halfway through watching Operation Peticoat that the drive in turns into a kareoke bar and they all try to get each other to sing.  
  
"I can't sing! I'm the head voice here!" says Louie crossing his arms. Everyone else agrees that they probably wouldn't want him to sing anyway.  
  
"Mhbbgth hhhnnnggbllee ssshhhhmmbb," says the Voice-over guy.  
  
"Hey why don't we make the newbie sing!" suggests Tim and all the voices give a nod of aproval. Syaoran turns red.  
  
"I'm in a pink dress!" he protests.  
  
"So are we," states Gretchen as Syaoran realizes everyone in the bar IS wearing pink dresses identicle to his, even Mr. Voice-over.  
  
"I-I can't sing!"  
  
"Yes you can!" cries Bertha-Sue waving the DVD of the Elevator episode in the air. Syaoran's enthusiasm meter is now empty.  
  
"I burnt all those!"  
  
"Not this one!" Syaoran narrows his eyes but stomps up to the stage and takes the micriphone in his hand. Then to add drama Eriol appears beside him and the scary part is, he's wearing a pink dress too!  
  
"Kyaaa! FREAK!" Syaoran hits him on the head with the micriphone and jumps off the stage. He happens to spot Chiharu in the crowd.  
  
"Hey, Eriol's been possesed by Yamazaki and is telling lies!" he says pointing to Eriol.  
  
"That little! That's like a double liar!" she screams running at the stage with her fists clenched. Syaoran joins the others.  
  
"Let's get out of here!" cries Louie as they all appear in the PT Cruiser once more. Now everyone (except Syaoran of course) is dressed in zuit suits and fadoras (Well I guess he gets one of those and he can have a snazzy tie) as Bertha-Sue pushes the accelerater and they take off into the air. They look at the ground underneath them and see a bunch of hills and little round houses built into them. They decide to stop here and Bertha parks in a nearby tree. (That's IN not BY.) So they all leap out of the PT Cruiser and they realize they're in Hobbiton. How they got there is really irrelivant in a random story like this so they all head down to the Green Dragon, looking incredibly stylish in their zuit suits.  
  
"So what brings a bunch of voices like yourselves to hobbiton?" asks the bartender as they all sit down.  
  
"We crashed into a tree." says Louie. He lowers his voice so only the bartender can hear, "And we're lookin' for a certain fairy... She goes by da name of, Millificent."  
  
"Ooh, you're dabbling in trouble with that one..." the bartender shakes his head.  
  
"Why?"  
  
"Because she's sitting right there beside you." Louie nearly jumps out of his seat when he realizes Meilin is sitting right next to him and waving sweetly.  
  
"I knew dat!" he says still keeping his 40s gangsta accent, "Would'jya mind clearin' off baby doll. We're tryin' ta plot against ya!"  
  
"Sure!" then poosh she was gone.  
  
"Well that was easy," murmers Steeve, sucking down his banana milkshake, "Now what?" Just then Kite sits down beside them.  
  
"Uhh, Hi..." says Skyklutz wearily, "How did you get here?"  
  
"You wrote me in," Kite replies sipping at his Strawberry milkshake.  
  
"That's right... I did..." then she unexpectedly falls asleep in her butter beer milkshake. Kite raises an eyebrow.  
  
"Wait a second... Are you a guy?" he asks Syaoran, not really caring about the slumbering authoress.  
  
"Yeah, so?"  
  
"Hey Kite, wanna come with us? We could use another anime character!" offeres Gretchen.  
  
"WHAT'S THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN!?" oop his enthusiasm meter broke again...  
  
"It means that this chapter is over," states Tim.  
  
"Huh?" Then blackness. 


	7. For Harvey

Steve: Don't sue her for writin' stupid stuff, it's not hers okay?

* * *

"No, Kite-kun can't come with us!" says Bertha-Sue, "We need more girl power in this fic. And we all know Skyklutz's aversion to main characters to ANY story... Toan excluded." Then poosh, Sumomo appears (because Skyklutz has the Chobits theme running through her head) sipping, what else but, a plum milkshake.  
  
"Can persocoms even drink milksahkes?" asks Steeve.  
  
"They can in a random fic." says Tim duly. Then Sumomo dissapears becase it is apparent that she is only about a foot tall and therefore unfit for the intensity of a random epic adventure.  
  
Hey! Who let you type, Tomoyo?  
  
Skyklutz did.  
  
That means this is gonna get fluffy, ain't it?  
  
Not particularly... Perhaps a little but not exsessively.  
  
Anyway, the Voices contemplate who they would like their female anime character to be when Primela pooshes in.  
  
"Yeah she'll work," decides Louie.  
  
"Hey! I know you!" she squeals pointing our incredibly kawaii companion, "You're Syaoran!"  
  
"Not the one you know." Li-kun replies after a sip from his chocolate milkshake. Primela-chan looked as if she would cry as she sat down in the booth, dismayed.  
  
"I'll never get it right..."  
  
"Frell! I'll kill that Hiiragizawa!" the graceful authoress spat sitting strait up as she awakes from her slumber breathing heavily.  
  
"Shh," comforts Gretchen putting a hand on her shoulder, "Hiiragizawa's gone, now."  
  
"But for how long?"  
  
"Hey, I said he was gone NOW. Yeesh, live in the present will ya?" Then Tomoyo remembers she hasn't filmed Sakura in over five seconds and she runs off and lets me type. And poosh again they are all on Moya in a distant galaxy.  
  
"Wow, this must be because of the Farscape mini series, huh?" says Steeve as he looks at his surroundings.  
  
"Let us say a few words in reverence of Harvey." says Louie and everyone bows their heads, "Harvey... was a voice. A voice in Jon Crichton's head... He was a good voice. Saved Jon's life once or twice and," he sighs, holding back tears, "He always managed to bring life and humor to the story." Louie couldn't take it anymore and he fell onto Gretchen. Bawling. Steve has decided to make this story in the past tense because it is easier to type that way. Anyway... Gretchen continued for him, a comforting arm on his shoulder.  
  
"He made us laugh, with his Hawaiian shirt, and that bunny suit, not to mention his cartoon self was quite fetching. Rest in peace Harvey. Our friend and fellow Voice."  
  
"Die Hiiragizawa, die." they all chorused sadly in closing.  
  
"Where is everyone?" asked Syaoran. But no one was there. Not even Pilot and somehow they all knew that because I don't feel like typing how they found out...  
  
"Who's steering Moya, then?" wondered Tim aloud and everyone looked at Syaoran.  
  
"Why always me?"  
  
"Cause I lluuuuuuuv you!" squealed Skyklutz, batting her eyelashes. Syaoran turned on his heels and stomped to the Pilot controll steering thingy and walked behind the controll panell. A convenient swively chair pooshes in.  
  
"Convenient..." he murmers as he sits down. Gah!! So many buttons and pushy down thingies and he only has two arms!!  
  
"Kuso! I don't even know what any of this means!" His eyes scanned over the many switches and sees one that says "Go".  
  
"Well, that's a step in the right direction at least..." He pushed the "Go" button and a little blue light appears in the back of the ship that starts creeping up the entire thing. And Steve descides he is going to be inconsistent with the writing tense just to confuse and annoy you. Syaoran searches for the comlink button until he finds it and pushes it!  
  
"Crap! Everyone, I accidently pushed the button to go into Starburst! Hold onto somethin'!" Then they pooshed gazzillions of miles through space. And lucky them they land right in a sea of Peacekeepers who begin to invade Moya!! Ooooh Nooo!! Syaoran looks around frantically until he sees a pulse pistol under his swivley chair.  
  
"Uhhh, stay... here." he tells Moya feeling a little stupid as he leaves the controll room.

* * *

Dun dun dunnn!! I will make you wait for the incredibly dashing sequence that is coming up because I am evil! Mwuahahaha! 


	8. Where are my Brown Pants?

Ahem! It has come to Steve's attention that he is getting paid to do one job, i.e disclaimer giving, but has also been given the role of typer person. Therefore. Skyklutz has hired me, Nakuru Akizuki, to type the rest of the story! Isn't that lovely? So I will get on with the story right now! 

Where were we? You know that is a rather strange sentence to type. It's basically the same word three times that gets shorter in length every time you type out a word. And then your fingers sometimes decide they want to type "where where where" three times and that's just silly! Because you really wouldn't know what the typer was typing about if they put "Where where where" which would make one think that they just didn't know where they were going because they had a blindfold over their eyes. Then you would have to ponder what they were looking for. For instance the typer could be asking where where where is the bathroom, which you would then wonder why the typer didn't look for the bathroom before they started typing! Skyklutz is telling me to get on with the story and quit typing run-on sentences as it is ruining her reputation.

Where was I?

See, that sentence isn't as strange to type as the first even though it's the same sentence, just in a different tense.

Sorry again, I'm starting now. I really mean it now.

Okay, so Syaoran is running down the corridor, holding his skirt in one hand and the pulse pistol in the other, which he named Clow, looking incredibly cute and dashing at the same time (Skyklutz told me to write that). But I don't think he could be nearly as dashing and cute as my Tou_ya_-kun. I mean Syaoran has to dress up and run down corridors before he's considered both cute and dashing at the same time! Tou_ya_-kun just has to... be! And now Skyklutz is brandishing heavy objects at me so I will just write her way. She also wants me to add that Syaoran was being more cuter and dashing that usual. By the time I had stopped typing this paragraph he ran into Tim. Literally. The two rubbed their heads and looked up. Standing before them was the Peacekeeper captain!

"Well spill my sippy-cup!" exclaims Tim, "The Peacekeeper captain is--"

"--Misato Katsuragi?!" finishes Syaoran in disbelief.

"Wait, this can work to our advantage! She can be our female anime character!"

"Huh?" say Misato and Syaoran together.

"We can finally push Primella out of the air-lock!"

"Ooooohhhhhh..." But since Skyklutz used up all her attention span writing Stuck on You, they are all Pooshed to a large clearing in front of a military base and "Huzza" for Syaoran because the dress spell was magically lifted and he is now wearing his green robes. The sky turns black and wind begins to whip.

"Skyklutz the Storyteller!" says a deep echoey disembodied voice, "Prepare to meet thine literal doom!" And then, from the sky, lemons rain down on them. Not the tasty citrus, lemons of the fanfiction variety! Unsuspecting our band begins to read the lemons.

"Uuugh!"

"Ick! Get it out!"

"THAT'S JUST WRONG!"

"Mghhgmmm! Blllhhnnnddllggg!" says the Voice-over guy before falling over. These among other discusted interjections could be heard amongst the group.

"We're going to need back-up if anything worse comes along!" exclaims Skyklutz posing dramatically. She then lowers her voice so the characters cannot hear her, "Especially since this is already a self-insert fic!" With sparkling red magic, Skyklutz creates a magical ball in the shape of the Fanfiction dot net logo and throws it into the sky. Before her various anime and video game characters begin to appear. From .hack appears Balmung and Zeffie. From xxxholic comes Yuko and black Mokona. Next come Umi and Fuu from Magic Knight Rayearth closely followed bySesshomaru andJaken. To acompany Misato and Syaoran, Asuka and Meiling (Though I think Tou_ya_-kun would've been better. Sorry Skyklutz but I do!) appear. From Tsubasa our favorite Yin and Yang team, Fai and Kurogane make their entrance not long after Sister Rosette (Gotta have respect for those gun-weilding nuns) and Chrono from Chrono Crusade. And finally from Chobits, Chi and Sumomo. Video game characters include Toan, Max, Link, Spyro, Pacman, Sora, and the little bouncy ball from Pong.

"Skyklutz!" yells Rosette, "We have to find cover! Some of us have already started acting out of character!" As she spoke Syaoran, Sesshomaru, Asuka, Balmung, and Kurogane, the most vulnerable, were already skipping merrily in the field picking wild flowers while Misato, Yuko, and Mokona were looking at a bottle of beer with the utmost disgust on their faces.

"How disgusting!" remarked Yuko.

"I'm never drinking again!" chorused Misato and Mokona in unison.

"Meiling! Go glomp Syaoran before it's too late!" Ordered Skyklutz. Meiling looked at her with with an angry expression.

"Are you kidding?" she spat, "I wouldn't touch that creep with a ten-foot-pole!"

Skyklutz looked hopeless as she turned to Louie, "Are you guys okay?"

"Indeed we are!" replied Louie, "We are immune. As long as we're voices in _your_ head it's impossible for us to act out of character. Video game characters are also immune because you controll what they do most of the time."

"What a relief! Can you guys help me get all of these anime characters into this conveniently placed military base?"

"Certainly, miss!"

Within a few minutes Skyklutz, the voices, the video game characters, and the voice-over guy were successfully herding the anime characters to the military base.

"You know," muses Syaoran as Skyklutz carries him on her back, unable to pull him away from the posies, "Yamazaki's story's are so totally bogus, how can anyone believe them dude?"

"Syaoran,"

"Hmm?"

"Stop speaking please."

"Sure thing."

"I think I'll start an AA group." decides Mokona who is perched atop Syaoran's head, "And we'll all work together to get rid of all alcoholic beverages in the world."

"Sure ya can, buddy! You can do anythin' ya put your mind to! I think when I get the chance I'll make Eriol-chan, Touya-chan, and Kero-chan a Valentines day card! With sparkles!"

"Syaoran..."

"Sorry, I spoke again didn't I?"

"Yep."

"Sorry. I feel the need to be a kind person to all since Stuck on You six! It was the best nine months of my life!"

"I really don't want to hurt you Syaoran."

"I'll shut up this time! Honest!"

Once inside the military base, the anime characters blink in confusion then become very embarrassed as the remember what they just did.

"Ahem!" came a loud voice from a monitor up high, "I am ze Evil Lord Hashinkonk!" Everyone looked up at the monitor to see a white and black spotted Furby in a military uniform.

"The Evil Lord Hashinkonk?" asked Louie.

"No, no. I sneezed. I am ze Evil Lord... Ted." he replies menacingly. Everyone falls over. "And you shall all perish under ze guise of horrible fanfiction elements! Commence ze attacking of ze puny anime characters, video game characters, voices, and self-insert author!" The screen changes to a milling military base filled with Furbies waddling around and giving orders to other Furbies at controll pannels.

The war begins.


End file.
